Are You Living Like an Orphan? The Mindset That Keeps You from Belonging
A short list of signs you may be operating from an orphan spirit mindset (Don’t worry, there’s hope for us):
You reject the very thing you desire.
You never take possession of what God has given you.
You find identity in how well you perform/function.
You’re always seeking permission.
You live in a “you against them” or “them against you” mentality.
You spiritualize dysfunction or use scripture to justify it.
You lack real community and resist feedback.
You mostly identify with rejection or being misunderstood.
You struggle with giving, receiving, or both.
You blame others often and wrestle with jealousy.
For reasons I could name (but am too lazy to discuss because I want to confess something else), a gathering of the prophetically gifted can expose just how orphan-minded the church operates. And let me tell you—The School of Prophets at Bethel was no exception.
It wasn’t just emotional intelligence, the gift of discernment, or self-awareness that revealed it. It was the competitiveness, the barrage of rejection comments, the subtle undertones of striving that made me want to run for the hills.
At one point, I remember thinking, I don’t know if I identify with any of these people. I asked myself repeatedly, What is wrong with everyone?
And then God flipped the question back on me.
Because even though I didn’t want to claim that orphan spirit—I was living from it too.
Rejecting the Very Thing I Asked For
Here’s what I had to admit: I had been praying for spiritual fathering in the prophetic—someone in my everyday life, not a distant encourager. I knew this was a vulnerable request, and honestly, I felt guilty for wanting it.
Maybe Holy Spirit should be enough.
Maybe I was asking for too much.
Maybe I was being clingy.
Still, I secretly hoped God would send someone who would just know—someone like Ben Armstrong, maybe. (Embarrassing to admit, but hey, we’re being honest here.)
But then God gave me a vision.
I saw a young girl standing on the steps of a beautiful home. The door opened, and a family peered out, inviting her in. The house was warm, welcoming, hers to belong in.
Yet, as she stepped inside, she didn’t know what to do.
She stood in the hallway.
She asked permission to touch things.
She kept her head down and stayed out of the way.
She had been given a place in the house, but she didn’t know how to take up space.
And then, I realized—I was that girl.
The very thing I was asking for, I had been rejecting.
I had been keeping at arm’s length the very people God placed in my life.
I had been hyper-spiritualizing my isolation.
I had been standing in the hallway instead of taking ownership of what God had given me.
And then God spoke:
"I’ve brought you into a big, beautiful house so you can learn how to belong."
How to Step Into Spiritual Sonship
Maybe you’ve been standing in the hallway, too. Maybe you’ve been waiting for permission to take up space. Maybe you’ve been rejecting what you’re desperate to receive.
But here’s the truth: You already belong.
If we want to grow into spiritual mothers and fathers, we must first learn how to be sons and daughters. That means:
Stop waiting for permission. You don’t have to earn what God has freely given.
Take ownership of your inheritance. Step into the house He’s placed you in.
Let yourself be known. Community can’t shape you if you won’t engage.
Trade striving for rest. Your value isn’t in your function—it’s in who you belong to.
Paul said, “You have many teachers, but not many fathers.” (1 Cor. 4:15) God’s heart is for you to know and be known, to love and be loved. He’s maturing us into spiritual mothers and fathers who can call out and send forth His children.
But first, we have to stop living like orphans.
So let me ask you—where are you standing in the hallway when God is calling you to come inside?
It’s time to step in.
